The Real World Finally Ex-Plodes

Brian Batty

So just when I thought I was about to give up on The Real World, one of my favorite shows of all time, last week happened. I have watched every single season of this show in my television watching life. I have an unabashed love for the nonsense that is The Real World. I can’t really pinpoint why I love this show so much, but it just gets me. This season was absolutely miserable half-way through. It gave me no single reason to care about any of these people. It was ridiculous, but not in a Jersey Shore ridiculous way. Then the mystery Real World baby showed up.

“Ugh, I feel fat. I must be pregnant”

Lauren, who was Cory’s ex found out she was pregnant, and along the way dropped the greatest line in reality TV history. When a producer asked her why she went and took the test she said “Cause I felt fat”. Oh ok that makes sense. Then after the drama that obviously ensued last week, Lauren and her mystery Real World baby walked out of our lives.

On the After Show when Random MTV Host #67 asked her what she did when she got home from the show she said “I don’t want to talk about it”. Which, and I may be jumping to conclusions here, makes me think she had a shmashmorshman at the shashmoshman clinic. Somebody call the protestors outside of Planned Parenthood and tell them they need to start picketing the Real World house please

After last week’s “boys night out”, Brian, Jenny’s ex, had to tell her he hooked up with another girl. He did the smartest thing he could’ve possibly done, and told her at a restaurant so he wouldn’t feel the Khaleesi “Dracarys” wrath of Jenny. Which he then got the next night when he so eloquently called her a “bitch” and told her to “go to bed”.

In my experience with drunk girls, other than “Calm down” or “relax” those are the three worst words you could possibly say to them. Nothing makes a drunk girl fly off the handle quicker than telling them to go bed. Two quick slaps later, and I’m sure Brian didn’t learn a single thing, you know, because he’s an idiot.

She’s either my favorite Real World cast member ever, or my least favorite. I can’t figure it out

Speaking of idiot, Tom had another week of confusing not only two of the girls on the show, but everyone else watching. He’s Jamie’s boyfriend, but is ex Hailey is in the house. But he doesn’t like titles so he broke up with Jamie. But then he got back together with Jamie, but he doesn’t want to not be cool with Hailey, but he doesn’t want Hailey talking to other guys, but he wants to be exclusive with Jamie….or something. It’s like the Bermuda Triangle of terrible relationships

There isn’t much of a worse relationship in the house than Jay and Jenna though. Jay is clearly the worst boyfriend ever. I mean I don’t blame the guy, he’s just your typical bro from the Bronx who only cares about getting girl’s numbers and all the fun stuff, and his “girlfriend” or whatever they are Jenna has said a total of 15 words since she got into the house. These are two people I literally couldn’t care less about, good job MTV, way to cast two boring unoriginal people. And you totally know Jay is going to be on every Challenge from here on out

Jay, I’m like, totally in like with you lolz

What a whirlwind of an episode.

There was fake drama, real drama, and everything in between. Can somebody please get Arielle some pizza though finally? She’s been trying to eat all night.

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