Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages, The Challenge is back! My fourth favorite sport, hell if it wasn’t for college football it would be my third favorite sport, is finally here upon us. What an episode! What a season this is gonna be. Finally for the first time I literally have zero idea who’s gonna win, or even get to the Final.
Usually, you kind of have an idea, ya know? Like you don’t know for sure, but there’s certain people you know are gonna be able to coast a little bit. Bananas is gonna get there because nobody wants to vote in the King. CT is gonna be there (for the most part) cause everyone’s afraid of him
I love it. I love the random draw; it takes away a lot of the known. There’s no backroom voting, or anything like that. You literally have to win to stay on.
I love the “you’re gonna have to take me off in a stretcher” interviews at the beginning. Like I get it man, you’re tough and you won’t quit blah blah blah. We’ve all heard it. I mean really the only reason you don’t want to quit is because of the wrath of TJ. Is there a scarier proposition in the world than quitting in front of TJ? He’s like The Challenge father that nobody wants to disappoint. You want to hear him tell you “You killed it”. It’s like being told “I’m proud of you” by a parent. It just feels real warm and fuzzy inside. If I were a Make A Wish kid I might use my wish on having TJ come into my hospital room and tell me I killed it…as I’m dying. It would legitimize my entire life, letting me know I did something special.
How dope is it that they get a basketball court though? I don’t even know what I’m going with this; I just know that I would be playing 24/7 if I had a court in my crib. Yeah ok CT, go do some dead lifts. Yeah ok CT’s beard, do some power cleans. I’m gonna be over there hoopin. #HoopDreams.
“I want to be the whore of the challenge. Absolutely. I want dick and balls everyday all day” – Jasmine, 2014
“I Wikipedia’d it, 2014 was the best year for lemons, like, ever in South America” – Isaac, 2014
Just in case anybody was concerned about this season, your questions have been answered within ten minutes of the first episode. Yes Jasmine wants dick and balls, and yes South America had their best year for lemons, like, ever (Isaac Wikipedia’d it, duh). Awesome. I love these people so much. I feel bad for people who don’t watch this show, to be honest.
Wait, ok, so did Chet quit because he didn’t want a scar on his face? Did I catch that right? What? I mean, I’m sure he’s got much more important things in life to worry about than The Challenge (lol yeah right there’s nothing more important than The Challenge), but shoot put a bandage on it. I’m sure it’ll be fine. Who hasn’t gotten a cut, rubbed some dirt on it, threw on a band-aid and moved on? Chet officially has the award for weirdest reason to quit ever. Bee tee dub, that Jemmye/Latoya battle is top 5 elimination round battles of all time, easily. I honestly can’t name four others, but it has to be up there. They were hitting hard, talking shit, straight up earning it. I loved Latoya on her season, she’s absolutely hilarious so I’m super glad she won. Jemmye is about as exciting as the Raptors/Bobcats first round playoff series is gonna be. She’d definitely be on MTV Tres in that analogy.
All in all, it was a great first episode, and this seasons gonna be great. Seems like Jordan is all about taking down The King and going after Bananas all season. It literally started during the initial deliberation on the first episode of the season.
Count me in for this one I can’t wait. It was a long offseason I’ll tell you that much. I’m ready for the Challenge to be back in my life, always. There shouldn’t be an offseason.