Lots to get to this week in Winners & Losers, so let’s not waste any time. Just wanna start out by saying fuck you cancer and RIP Diem.
Now that I got that out of the way, let’s get right to it
Winner: Tony’s Libido
So the day after he slept with his Madison, his “girl from back home” walks through the door and orders him around like he’s Kenneth Parcell, and him listening to every word like he’s Kenneth Parcell. She woke up the next morning in his clothes, which in my experience means the hibbidy dibbidy went down that night.
Then just when the situation couldn’t get any stickier for our man Tony, he comes back from work to find his ex-ex-girlfriend standing there with a drink in her hand.
I loved his reaction. If there was a WTF emoji, that’s what it would look like. He stuck the end of the umbrella in his mouth like a gun and literally walked outside into a thunderstorm. He had every intention of walking back to Louisiana and leaving the sharknado waiting for him in his living room.
But then, because Tony is a robot who takes his orders directly from his sexual libido, he decides his best bet is to start making out with his ex-ex-girlfriend outside on the patio. I mean, come on man. So much tail walking around, it’s shocking he didn’t short circuit and explode.
Loser: The Are You The One Kids
When these four outsiders; John, Simone, Adam, and Brittany walked onto the roster of the fourth most important American sport, I had my reservations. Who are they? Where did they come from? Why does one of them look like Shaggy? Where’s Scooby? What about Scrappy?
Well they’ve been just as irrelevant as I thought they would be, as there is not a single angle the producers could even come up with to get them into a storyline.
Then comes last night’s elimination.
“Hi Mom, I’m going on a TV show to possibly win a whole bunch of money. What’s that? Oh no don’t worry, I won’t be making a fool of myself at all.”
Then came an eating game that nobody seemed to want to win. I’m not exactly sure what the hell happened. Simone can’t follow directions, Adam needs to pretend brownies are protien bars to get through eating SEVEN SMALL BROWNIE SQUARES IN THREE MINUTES.
All this while the rest of the cast sarcastically cheered them on like a basketball crowd erupting for a fat guy making a half court shot during a time-out.
God, get these kids out
Loser: Elizebeth’s Stuff
Have a nice trip! Enjoy Chicago!
Sarah is a genuinely kind, caring, smart, and downright wonderful person. Why she is included in the cesspool of Challenge competitors is beyond me. So what does MTV do for one of the few legitimately wonderful people to ever come on their shows? Oh they stick her with the worst possible partners over and over and over again. The Challenge Curse is real, and Sarah has a nasty case of it.
Finally though, the people at Bunim/Murray threw my girl a bone. They gave her the polar opposite of all of her former partners, and stuck her with Jordan. While he may be an asshole, he’s really good at weird shit like, “fall from a high point into water” (by the way, last nights challenge has to be a contender for the worst one they’ve ever had).
Not only that, but she’s playing the game like the basketball team that has suffered playoff heartbreak after playoff heartbreak and now knows exactly what they need to do to win. Playing both the Bananas side and the Wes side is the perfect way to go. Both of them think they have Sarah/Jordan in their back pocket, but really she’s just riding her way to the Final. I picked these two to win pre-season, and I’m sticking to it three weeks in.
As usual, thanks for reading. Be sure to check back next Wednesday for more Winners & Losers!