President of Wyoming? Sexual Innuendos? Hos gonna be hos? A lot to get to this week, so let’s get right to it.
Winner – Alicia
So the first Skeleton was kiiiind of a dud. I think the hatred ran a tad bit too deep to get the exact reaction Bunim/Murray were looking for with Alicia/Sylvia. Alicia spent her time in Chicago buddying up with Madison and spreading apparent lies all around the city about her good friend from back home. When she didn’t come home at night, and the next morning the roommates scurried around the house asking what happened to her, why did Sylvia immediately go to, “she’s dead”? Maybe she was catching a game at Wrigley Field? Maybe she was riding the Ferris Wheel at Navy Pier? I truly wish Alicia would have walked back into the house wearing an “I ❤ Chicago” t-shirt under a Derrick Rose jersey, carrying a mug with the cities skyline on it, with a giant Bears foam finger in the other hand. “Hey guys! What did I miss?!”
Loser – Cancer
Fuck you, cancer
Winner/Loser – Tony
So in his mind, he’s winning. Oh man, look at all the girls I’m getting. I’m smooth talking Tony, and I have no self control. But really, all he’s doing is bringing a group of Girl Scouts selling delicious drama cookies right at his doorstep. This episode also marked the second time Tony has “jokingly” said how great and important he was. You can only joke about it so many times, until it starts becoming a legitimate thing. Tony is 100% going to be the Real Worlder that thinks this will bring him oodles of fame and notoriety and riches like no one has ever seen! If he’s not already living in a crappy studio apartment in LA, than I’m a 6’7 three and D guy on a playoff team in the NBA.
Winner – The President of Wyoming
This conversation actually happened between two real people who are living functioning human beings
Zach: Go ahead ask me something, try and stump me.
Jenna: Ok, um, the President of Wyoming?
Zach: The President of Wyoming
Zach: Alright you stumped me, cause I don’t think there is a President of Wyoming
Jenna: This is
Zach: Is there?
Jenna: Yeah the 50 states, there’s a President for every state
Zach: Who’s the President of New York?
Jenna: Alright, you’re right, it’s Obama United States I didn’t think of that
Now that I know there really is nothing behind Jenna’s constant dumb glare, I feel a little more comfortable. Sometimes people with the dumb glare are actually secret geniuses who are plotting your eventual demise. Nope, not her.
Secondly, I did some research as to who actually could be the President of Wyoming based on, ya know, famous people. Right now it’s a three person race between former Rams/Redskins/Bears safety Adam Archuleta, Harrison Ford, and Jack Sheppard from Lost. Harrison Ford has the slight edge in the polls right now, but Jack Sheppard’s campaign is rapidly gaining steam.
Loser – Nany
When you start a show off with TJ Lavin calling out your ho-ness in front of the rest of the cast, you’re clearly starting this whole thing off with some bad chakra. I guess Nany’s promiscuity is finally catching up to her, and if there’s one thing I’ve learned by going through high school, is nobody hates a ho more than other hos. A bunch of girls sitting around, talking about all the guys some other girl has slept with is exactly what is going on at lunch tables at high schools throughout the country. The #WeHateNany club is officially in session, and everyone’s invited to join.